So, it's been quite some time since I've written and quite a lot has happened: I was on strike for three months (not a pleasant time), Veronica continues to grow and gain skills, we've decided that we are going to attend the FAST gala next and we discovered that Emma has been cutting herself.
No one ever tells you that your so-called 'neuro-typical child might very well be the more difficult one. 8 years ago we received this horrendous diagnosis of Angelman syndrome and the doctors tell you what they know (and eventually you figure out they didn't really know what they were talking about); this diagnosis that will take over your life and leave you feeling utterly helpless. Docs do what they do best and prescribe physiotherapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy and just about every other kind of therapy you can think of. And before you know it they send you out on your own to deal with the diagnosis.
No one ever thinks that the rest of the family has also just been diagnosed with this horrible truth.
I have no idea if this has anything to do with Emma's cutting but I figure it must come into play at some level. She's always been highly embarassed by her sister. God, on some level I get it. You just want to be a normal child and not stand out for the wrong reasons and here you've got this sibling that no matter where you go, people stare... On the other hand , she's got this sister who is so loving its not funny.
So we discovered she was cutting several months ago. I got suspicious when I realized that she was coming out of the shower in the morning and getting dressed right away - I mean with her cardigan and everything. So one morning, I asked her to pull up her sleeves; and she refused. Eventually, I tackled her and pulled up the sleeves and saw the marks. As horrified as I was I was relieved: at least we knew what we were up against. We did lots of research into how to help and we decided on a tack that seemed to work. We were checking her arms on a regular basis and talking to her about it and after a while it seemed to get better.
Then last week, I get a phone call from her gym teacher saying that she hasn't participated in class in about a month and that when she tried to get her to wear a gym uniform, she came out wearing her cardigan on top. Seriously, and you're trying to hide this? Then on Friday, I received another call from one of the guidance councillors. He must have been surprised when I said I knew she was cutting. What I didn't know, was that often once the first marks are found, cutters move to another part of the body. She had: her thighs look like ribbons... This was discovered when we confronted her about some bloody kleenex in her pocket and blood stains on her sweatpants.
I'm at a loss; she won't talk about why, she doesn't want to talk to anyone, she just wants to pretend it never happened... Well, we can't leave it like that. Tomorrow I have to make a phone call to the councillor and tell him that yes, indeed she has moved to her legs, I have to call our employee assistance program to get a referral for a therapist - we need to figure out how to deal with this.
Oh, my heart hurts for her.
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