We dropped the bomb

So after wondering when the best time would be to drop the bomb on the kiddo regarding the social worker we spoke with last week, we decided Saturday after supper and while folding laundry was it. Although it went better than I anticipated, she was not a happy camper.  I was picturing a 13-year old pulling a 3-year old temper tantrum and while it got close, we were able to speak with her and calm her down.  I think she was more horrified by the idea that she hadn't fooled the guidance councillor at school and with the fear that the councillor will tell everyone at school.

Once we got that one out of the way, we were able to explain to her that we felt like we didn't have a choice.  That her behaviour was totally out of the realm of our experience and that we needed some advice.  And that despite her assurances to the contrary, we couldn't just take her word for it that the issue was resolved.  That we wanted her to develop the tools to deal with frustrations/stress without resorting to self-injurious behaviours. It took about an hour but she calmed down enough to smile a little and talk with us.

Afterwards, she and I went for a looooonnnnng car drive (about 2 hours) where we talked about various issues surrounding the cutting and why we wanted her to speak with the social worker.  I really wanted to stress with her that she was important and that her needs were obviously not being met and that we as parents needed to apologize to her for letting her feel that way. 

Self-injury is not a new thing with her; it's something she has done since she was little (picking her fingers till they bled, destroying her work at school...). She even admitted that.  This was now into something we didn't know how to handle and although happy that her friends were trying to help her through it, we didn't see the harm in getting someone else's perspective.  This person would lay out some ground rules for everyone to follow and would be able to guide/counsel her on recognizing the stressors and how to help her deal with them in a more constructive (rather than destructive) manner. It would be confidential and no one need know unless she told them.

I also stressed that she wasn't allowed to throw a book at Taylor (the friend who squealed on her at school) as he was a good friend.  In the end, I don't think she's happy about it but I hope she is resigned to going.  That's all I want.  And for her to be happy and to stop hurting herself.