Today was not a good day for me. Well, that's not exactly true. Most of the day has been pretty crappy but since about 4pm it's been okay. Yesterday, my daughter was going to meet up with some friends to celebrate a birthday and as she was getting dressed, she came out and modeled this really cute top she bought a couple of weeks ago; but the top was sleeveless and I noticed some marks on her shoulder. What is that? I asked. She just kind of looked at me and tried to brush it off.
I feel like we are playing Where's Waldo. Is there is any part of her body that is not scarred up? So since yesterday I've been wallowing (yes, wallowing) in despair. As much as I want to be understanding and supportive, I'm having a hard time - I'm starting to get angry. With her; with us; with everything. Why did she chose to do this to herself and place this burden on us? It's not like we don't have enough on our plate...
Today it continued because I was in a crabby mood. I'm tired of hearing her put herself down and tell us that we don't have to worry about it. That she's fine. That she's not doing it anymore. That it's okay that she thinks she's fat, ugly, stupid and whatever else she thinks. I'm so tired of it.
We ended up having an argument about it. Told her that she did not have the right to tell us that we shouldn't worry - that she is just as important as her sister and that we were going to care whether she liked it or not.
Believe it or not that sort of ended it...for today.
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